|
Step 1: Realize that anger is a choice you make
Anger is not a form of power, strength, or control. It is a toxin, which
sometimes provides a temporary high. After this high subsides, the
individual is left weaker and more uncertain than before. Not only that,
the negative consequences of our outburst have to be handled. Basically
anger narrows our focus, creates confusion and limits our ability to
find constructive solutions. When anger arises, stop, breathe deeply,
and immediately look at the larger perspective. Put the incident in
context. For a moment, allow the other person to be "right". Tell
yourself you have plenty of time to be right later. Your main goal is to
have the anger subside so
you can be in control.
Step 2: Pinpoint the 24 forms of anger
Anger camouflages itself and manifests in many ways. Unrecognized anger
turns into all kinds of unwanted behavior that become impossible to
stop. We have to become aware that this behavior is just another form of
anger and pull it out at the root.
Some of the 24 forms of anger are: depression, hypocrisy, self-sabotage,
low self-esteem, burnout, passive aggressive behavior, compulsions,
perfectionism, gossiping, lying, and various addictions. When you
realize that these are being fuelled by anger, you can take appropriate
steps to handle them.
Step 3: Give Up Being A Martyr – Stop Giving and Taking Guilt
Most martyrs do not think of themselves as martyrs. They may describe
themselves as long-suffering, giving much more than they get. There's a
huge difference between giving and manipulation. Martyrs manipulate with
guilt. But guilt is a lethal toxin, fuelled by anger. When you make
someone feel guilty, you are harming them. When people feel guilty they
find some way to punish themselves and others.
Give up giving guilt and also give up taking it. Recognize this as a
form of anger, which has no constructive outcome.
Step 4: Stop Casting Blame
Blaming others (and ourselves) is an expression of hurt, disappointment
and anger and never leads to a constructive solution. Stop casting
blame. By blaming others you are disempowering yourself. By taking
responsibility you are taking back control. Stop a moment and see the
situation through your opponent's eyes. When you do this blame dissolves
on the spot.
By: Brenda Shoshanna
|
