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Amy constantly feared Cord. She couldn't do right when he was around. He
had powerful muscles and if he lost his temper in seething anger, his
fist became a deadly weapon that might kill her with a single hit. Her
128lb body was little defense.
Amy kept him from his sexual fantasies and craving for different
females. Consequently he would incite in her the exact conduct that he
himself disliked so that he could justify his belligerent actions
towards her. He was deeply self deceived and believed she was the
problem. He was always concentrating on her weaknesses while in all
actuality she was a loyal, smart, knowledgeable woman and nurturing mom.
Amy joined numerous other women and men caught up in the murkiness of
abuse, horrible existence of fright, anxiety and confusion. Different
from attack by an unfamiliar person, strong cords of attachment and
subconscious programming keep the abused soundly fastened to the abuser
in an never-ending tradition of
abuse.
Domestic violence is a systemic disease that is, it is embedded in ones
life. It creates scores of symptoms but, unless the disease itself is
exterminated, the symptoms will persist.
1. Can you name a few of the symptoms or outward signs of domestic
abuse? _____________________________
2. How come domestic violence is more emotionally harmful than abuse by
a stranger? ___________________________
3. How did Amy get rid of her disease?
____________________________________________________________
4. What happens when her and people similar to her dont stop the abuse
through total separation but stop attached to their abuser?
___________________________________________________________
5. Severing relationships can be very frightening and it can hurt a lot.
Why should we avoid judging those who continue on in abusive
relationships? __________________________________
Those who are abused really need encouragement, not derision. T or F?
6. How can you successfully sever the emotional ties of an abusive
marriage? ________________________________________
VALIDATION
To comprehend the abyss of domestic violence, an individual must
comprehend the high that one gets through interdependency, where the man
and the woman get their hierarchy of emotional and physical needs
satisfied. Fulfilling a persons Hierarchy of Physical needs which are:
oxygen, water, food, clothing, shelter isn't tricky, but satisfying ones
emotional needs is another question. Take this test:
On a scale from 1-5, rate your marriage for the last two years.
Need to be loved - My partner deeply loved me; I was not alone.
Need to be validated I was encouraged and praised by my partner. He/She
made me feel like a good person.
Need to be affirmed My partner made me feel important; I was making a
difference.
Need to be understood My partner listened to me; What I said was
understood.
Need to be appreciated - My partner really appreciated what I did for
him/her.
Need to be secure I had a home; I felt safe and secure in my
environment.
Total=
Excellent: 30-24
Problem: 23-17
Harmful: 16-6
7. What did you score? ____ Which bracket (excellent/problem/harmful)
did you fall into? _________ What does it mean? Does anything need to
change?_______________
by : Larry Lloyd
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