How to Build Self Confidence by Resolving Anger 

    When you ask angry people what they are fuming about, they often say someone else did something or said something wrong.

   In a business setting, someone might answer, "He's so unprofessional and disrespectful. He is a jerk, is a bad boss and has a big mouth."

    This statement tells very little about what's really happening.

     In this Lori Prokop Anger Management Step, you want "just the facts."

     Here is a statement containing facts. Observe the difference.
 

"He interrupts people before they finish their sentences. When we are trying to resolve problems, instead of staying on the subject, he tells stories that have nothing to do with the subject at hand. This makes our meetings run longer than scheduled."

In this Anger Management step, you peel the layers until you can discover and define, without blame or judgment, what is not meeting your needs.

To successfully deal with angry people (yourself and others), be it an angry adult or angry kid, state a clear observation of the situation.

When I outline this step, sometimes I hear, "But, the other person is WRONG! Lori Prokop, how can you expect me to be detached and talk about just the facts?"

Lori Prokop Anger Management Guidelines to Success

Statements like, "You insulted me," or "I feel disrespected," or "You are always trying to make me do what you want":

1)Imply the other person is wrong,

2)Are observations which include blame or judgment, and

3)Don't clearly describe what actually happened

How do you make a clear observation?

Think of a video camera. It has no emotions. It records only facts. Ask yourself this question:

"If a video camera recorded this, and spoke in only facts, how would it describe this situation?"

It might sound like: * "I heard you say that you don't like it when I yell," * "You said you don't agree with the deadline," * "You threw the vase across the room and it broke," * "You did not come home last night and did not call to let us know you were safe." Once you view situations and speak from this perspective, you can begin to deal with angry people successfully.

By Lori Prokop