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"He interrupts people before they finish their sentences. When we are
trying to resolve problems, instead of staying on the subject, he tells
stories that have nothing to do with the subject at hand. This makes our
meetings run longer than scheduled."
In this Anger Management step, you peel the layers until you can
discover and define, without blame or judgment, what is not meeting your
needs.
To successfully deal with angry people (yourself and others), be it an
angry adult or angry kid, state a clear observation of the situation.
When I outline this step, sometimes I hear, "But, the other person is
WRONG! Lori Prokop, how can you expect me to be detached and talk about
just the facts?"
Lori Prokop Anger Management Guidelines to Success
Statements like, "You insulted me," or "I feel disrespected," or "You
are always trying to make me do what you want":
1)Imply the other person is wrong,
2)Are observations which include
blame or judgment, and
3)Don't clearly describe what actually happened
How do you make a clear observation?
Think of a video camera. It has no emotions. It records only facts. Ask
yourself this question:
"If a video camera recorded this, and spoke in only facts, how would it
describe this situation?"
It might sound like: * "I heard you say that you don't like it when I
yell," * "You said you don't agree with the deadline," * "You threw the
vase across the room and it broke," * "You did not come home last night
and did not call to let us know you were safe." Once you view situations
and speak from this perspective, you can begin to
deal with angry people
successfully.
By Lori Prokop
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