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Experiencing insecurity, at some time and at some level, is just part of
being human. In its proper place, it's for our own protection -- if we
had no sense at all that something unexpected or unpleasant just might
happen, we'd walk straight into every kind of danger, every time. The
reason why we check the traffic before we step into the road is that we
know a car might hit us if we didn't.
Unfortunately, many people live in a constant state of heightened
insecurity, where the slightest thing can drive them into uncontrollable
anxiety, jealousy,
rage or hatred.
These feelings trigger a surge of adrenalin, which can provoke a rush of
anger or bravado, or some other form of aggressive or even violent
behavior. If it's not released it stays within the person's system,
causing stress and flooding the mind and body with harmful chemicals
which do yet more damage to both emotional and physical well-being.
If you recognise these feelings in yourself, take heart. They can be
beaten.
First of all, relax deeply. Close your eyes, clear your mind, and feel a
sensation of warmth and relaxation flowing from the top of your head to
the soles of your feet.
Now, make a firm commitment to yourself to be the best you can at being
you. Don't worry about the competition -- there isn't any. You are
someone no-one else can ever be.
Next, think of someone whose behavior makes you feel uncomfortable or
insecure, angry or frustrated. Picture that person as strongly as you
can. Forget the differences between you, and remember only what you have
in common.
Maybe you do the same job, or live in the same neighborhood. Perhaps you
both have kids, and want to do what's best for them. Maybe you're both
ambitious, good to your parents, love music or like gardening. Whether
the common ground is great or small, dwell on it, and look around for
more.
If you can't think of one single thing you have in common, remember
you're both human. You each have a heart that beats, a mind to think and
feel with, blood that flows around your body, a need to love and be
loved, hopes and dreams that can empower you to do great things... and
the power to change the world around you.
Perhaps you've heard the story from the First World War, when the
opposing soldiers stopped the fighting to sing Christmas carols.
Afterwards they scrambled from their trenches to meet each other in the
no-man's-land between. They shared their chocolate and tobacco, and
showed each other pictures of their loved ones... and they realised that
their enemies were just like them. There simply wasn't any need to
fight.
If soldiers fighting for their lives could do it, you can. Think of ways
of brokering your personal cease-fire. If you meet that person in the
street tomorrow, maybe you could smile and say "Good Morning".
Maybe you could ask about their family, or congratulate them on a good
piece of work, or comment on the weather, or what's going on in some
sport you both have interest in. If you can do that person some small
kindness, go ahead -- and if a favor's offered in return, accept it.
It doesn't need to be a very close relationship -- just let go the
automatic expectation they'll do something hurtful, focus on respecting
both the other person and yourself, replace the spirit of hostility with
the principle of kindliness... and keep on doing it.
The atmosphere of trust you build will help to heal the other person's
insecurity -- and any you have, too. You'll find a greater confidence in
everthing you do. Because you've changed things for the better, you'll
feel greater self-reliance and empowerment -- and there's another
spin-off, too.
If every person would just work to heal relationships and insecurities,
the world could find a true and lasting peace. That starts, or ends,
with every one of us.
Will you play your part, by letting go your insecurites and declaring
your cease-fire with the world -- and, if so, will you do it now?
by :
Aislinn O'Connor
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