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Three ways to
deal with angry feelings:
1.CHANGE WHAT YOU TELL YOURSELF
While angry feelings frequently surprise us and come upon us
automatically, it is our "self-talk" that makes us more angry. Change
what you tell yourself about what is going on, and you can drastically
change your feelings about it. In our example, try telling yourself
things like "Maybe he or she isn't aware this is an express lane," or
"Actually, a few minutes more won't matter," or "I'll speak to the
manager about the issue when I have time."
2. RELAX AND COOL DOWN
Once captured by intense angry feelings, we may become incapacitated and
unable to problem-solve or to obtain the information we need to deal
with the issue. The solution is to cool down before doing anything.
For example, while standing in line, take in several deep breaths. Count
to 10. Tell yourself things like "Calm down," "this won't be important
tomorrow," and "I can control my emotions."
3. LOOK FOR ALTERNATIVE RESPONSES
Look for different ways to respond to the situation, before angry
feelings overtake you. Maybe you can still get what you want without
displaying angry behavior. For instance, try simple information giving
("Are you aware that this is an express lane?"), or assertive
communication ("may I get ahead of you since this is an express lane and
I have only one item?").
It is almost always better to try alternatives before expressing anger
or aggression!
WHY KEEP YOURSELF CALM?
Because doing so may help you live healthier and longer. Anger is like
obesity. It is everywhere but not good for anybody. In fact, according
to a recent issue of The Harvard Mental Health Newsletter, "optimistic
hearts do better than angry ones."
In one study, people with normal blood pressure who scored high on a
rating scale for anger were nearly three times more likely to have a
heart attack or require bypass surgery within five years.
THE ANATOMY OF ANGER
Most of the time we do not choose to be angry, but somehow we are
suddenly in the feeling. Often, we don't know we are angry until we feel
it. Anger, which comes from a part of our brain that is very old, can be
very brief, lasting only a second or two. You can be happy one moment
and angry the next. Angry feelings may also continue over a long period
of time. If you are angry a lot, but your feelings are not connected to
life circumstances, we call it a "mood."
Angry moods lead to angry feelings coming on stronger and faster.Once
anger begins,it generates changes in our expression, our face, our
voice, and changes in the way we think. It also creates impulses to
action.
Sometimes we have thoughts that generate anger. Other times we have
thoughts that occur at the same time as the anger. It is also possible
for your anger to generate thoughts about what you are angry toward.
THE DIFFERENT FACES OF ANGER
You may have noticed that what "triggers" your anger one time may not do
so at another time. Different people may also react very differently to
the same event. Some people recover much more quickly than others when
provoked by any negative emotion, including anger.
If you are a quick-recovering person, you probably are also better able
to control your emotions. However, if you are challenged in this regard,
you will need to work harder to develop anger management skills to deal
with your feelings.
CONCLUSION:
Angry feelings are a natural reaction to frustration, or interference
with our goals. Yet, we all are different in terms of what events
trigger anger in us, how strongly we respond, and how long it takes us
to get back to normal. Learning to change our self-talk, cooling off,
and looking for alternative responses are all effective ways to better
cope with angry feelings.
By : Dr Tony Fiore
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