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Aaron’s style of communication is
aggressive, but he didn’t realize the impact it had on his girlfriend.
Aaron had to learn about his style of communication as well as other
styles of communication to understand the kind of changes he needed to
make. By learning to become more assertive, Aaron felt better, his needs
got met more of the time, and his girlfriend no longer feared him when
he did get upset.
The way we communicate or the style we use to communicate is often
learned from much earlier experiences in our lives when our language
skills were newly formed. Think about your family’s style of
communication for a moment. Is your style similar to any of theirs? Most
of us tend to communicate in a way that was adaptive in the environment
we grew up, but problematic in our lives today. For many of us, our
style of communication can leave us with unmet needs, unexpressed
emotion, and damaging effects on those around us. It is important to
understand that there are many different communication styles, yet only
one that tends to yield the results we are seeking. Learning to express
your primary feelings and needs, clearly, calmly, with good eye contact
is what assertive communication is all about.
Good communication skills are an essential ingredient to anger
management because poor communication causes untold emotional hurt,
misunderstandings and conflict. Words are powerful, but the message we
convey to others is even more powerful and often determines how people
respond to us – and how we feel toward them.
Because communication is a two-way process, people with good
communication skills are good at “receiving” messages from others as
well as delivering them.
If you look at people in your life and we also look at your own
behavior, you may discover certain patterns of communication. Some
patterns are negative and harmful while others are positive and
productive.
Frequently persons who have
anger problems use harmful ways of
communicating to others – harmful in the sense that it disrupts
relationships and usually does not accomplish the goals that you
intended.
Assertive communication, on the other hand, is a much more effective way
to get what you want and what you need without the negative
consequences. In short, the development of assertive communication
skills will works for you by making you a more effective and less
stressed person.
What is assertive communication? Is is a way to communicate so that you
convey your rights in a good way. Assertive communication helps people
clearly explain their wants, needs, and feelings to other people. It is
a way of getting things that you want without violating or offending
others’ rights or having to walk away without getting what you want.
Assertive people tell others what they want and need clearly; they have
a knack of saying the correct thing at the correct time.
Assertive communication skills are the antidote to harmful, destructive
communication patterns.
by :
Ari Novick
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