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Anger then is the
feeling of mad when a person does not get their way, or a series of
issues was buried waiting for the time to attack. Aggression then is a
forceful act or modus operandi utilized to dominate another individual.
Aggression is an argumentative, harmful or destructive behavior or
viewpoint particularly when caused by frustration. Aggression can be
good if used in danger situation, but in most instances aggression
causes harm.
Assertive on the
other hand is an effective form of communicating your feelings and
thoughts to another individual without causing injury, destruction or
arguments. Assertive is a strong, bold confident we have within that
helps us to defend our rights when others wrong us. If we learn the
difference between aggression and assertiveness we can learn good
behaviors, while controlling our life and avoiding more problems. If you
are frustrated, you might want to sit down and review your beliefs,
opinions, theories, reasoning and so forth.
By reviewing the
sources that make you angry you can reduce the tension when you see that
blowing up is not worth your time or effort, since the frustrations are
out of your control. For example, if you are reviewing you might see the
other side and conclude that your frustration is out of order. Assertive
action against another individual that has wronged you can prove more
affective than blowing a fuse. We can see in one example how a person
blows their fuse and what consequences he or she must face.
For example, a
couple engages in an argument and a fight breaks out. One of the
individuals was accused of spreading lies against the other person. The
violent episode attracts the neighbors and the cops are called. When the
police arrive, both parties are placed in handcuffs and both are taking
to jail. Their problem increases since they both may pay fines, court
cost, and possible pay probation fees. Therefore, little problem led to
a series of problems and it does not stop there.
When the couple is
free of all fines, costs, jail and so forth they will have a police
record where everyone will judge them for the rest of their lives,
viewing them as immature and violent people. Neighbours will not respect
them anymore. Now let us look at another example were assertiveness was
used in the scene. A couple confronts each other after one person
spreads lies throughout the neighborhood about the other person.
The person
victimized by the rumors walks up to the opponent and says, “why are
you telling people that I have a drinking problem?” The other person
might say, I did not tell anyone that you have a drinking problem.
Wrong says the first person, you told my best friend who is not a
liar. “Well, I assumed that you had a drinking problem because you
drink every time I come to your house. Because I drink every time you
come to my house does not mean I have a problem. I refuse to allow you
to continue dragging my name in the mud and nor will I allow you to
visit my home again if you continue lying against me. Friends do not
harm other friends. If you have issues with me confront me with them
instead of going behind my back. “
Very good job!
This person did a wonderful job asserting self and the results will most
likely prove fruitful. Let us see what happens. “I am sorry; I did
not mean to offend you. I will confront you the next time I have a
problem. I am concerned however that your drinking my be a problem,
since you do drink every I visit your home. Well, then let us go to my
place and discuss the issue“.
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