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A few days ago my own rage burst forth at the total lack of
professionalism and common courtesy of a professional organisation I
joined. They had cashed my payment immediately, but kept me waiting for
the activated membership service for 10 weeks!
Despite numerous calls and an email, the
only indication that they had received and accepted my application was
the fact that my bank balance was reduced.
When my patience wore thin, I left a
‘slightly’ less sugary monologue on their ever present answer phone. A
few days later, I checked their website and was almost more furious to
find that they had posted my details without even letting me know. I
felt they owed me a bit of a human touch, maybe an apology. After all,
they were supposed to be the ones controlling the professional standards
of therapists who deal with the emotional and physical well-being of
others.
How could they be so rude! Instead of being happy that the deed was
finally done, there was a nasty, angry little voice inside me – raving
and ranting and jumping up and down like good old Rumpelstilzken in the
fairy tale.
For a few minutes I swam the angry tide, furiously paddling and
thrashing inside, my inner dialogue dizzily drawing smaller and smaller
circles. Then, I thought I’d better walk the talk, do as I preach in my
seminars and figure out how this experience can help me make some
personality progress.
Here’s the method I use:
First, I take a little inventory of what’s happening inside and notice
whether my reaction is in proportion to the event. Are my emotions
driving me forward to learn and make positive changes or are they
dragging me into some dark dungeon where I wallow in my own self-pity
until someone or something rescues me?
Most of the time, when thoughts go round and round in circles, it is
perfectly clear that they are not of the empowering, energising kind –
so, the next step is to ask myself exactly which buttons this event has
pushed.
What did it remind me of? What previous experience (sometimes from way
back when…) is it like? And exactly what does it feel like inside? I
take my thoughts away from the event itself and focus on the physical
sensations it’s causing inside me.
Then, I make the conscious decision to transform and let go of this
particular kind of energy.
Sometimes, it’s as easy as concentrating on the fiery sensation the
anger has caused and allowing it to cool and disperse. At other times, I
need to play a few tricks on my mind to distract myself from my
thoughts.
What’s important is that I remind myself that the choice of wallowing or
soaring is always mine. I can learn and move on or I can follow the
downward spiral until I’ve hit the bottom and finally got the message.
Next time someone or something really pushes your anger button, what
will you choose? A new vision that lets you see the bigger picture of
your own internal life, or just a blinding rage? If you go inside, you
can emerge calmer,
more positive, and lighter.
Anger is a heavy load to
carry. Isn’t it great to know that the choice to let go of it is yours?
by :
Annett Tate
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