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1. Anger protects. When your child is in danger your mind will
automatically kick into a "fight or flight" reaction that can result in
anger. You don't have time to stop and ponder a course of action when
your child is in the middle of the street! Anger short cuts our thinking
brain to allow us to act quickly. This is natures way of protecting your
family from harm.
2. Anger signals. The purpose of anger is to destroy problems in our
lives,
not our relationships. When something needs to dramatically
change, anger not only lets you know but it gives you the power to do
something about it. For example, if your child's doctor wont listen to
your concerns, getting angry can stir things up and get a problem
diagnosed and solved.
3. Anger rules. Your child left his toys all over the house again! Tired
of yelling at your child to get his cooperation. That only reinforces
the annoying behavior. Your anger may be telling you that expectations
are too high, the rule is not clear enough, or that you are not
following through on consequences consistently. Use the energy of your
anger to communicate the rule (again) and then follow it up with
consistent, age appropriate discipline.
4. Anger talks. What we say to ourselves affects our emotional state. If
we tell ourselves we are bad parents then we may act like bad parents.
If we tell ourselves we are doing the best we can under stressful
circumstances we will react with less hostility and frustration.
Practice listening to that little "anger voice" and challenge some of
the misperceptions you hold of yourself and your child. Ask some honest
friends to help you be objective in your inner inventory. If want you
are saying to yourself is true, use this information to make changes in
your parent/child relationship.
5. Anger teaches. Our
anger management styles are learned from our own
parents. If Mom was a yeller, we may follow her example, even if we
vowed never to yell at your kids. Fortunately, if you learned one anger
expression style you can learn another. Separate the idea that feeling
anger is bad. That is natural and unavoidable but what you do with those
hot emotions is completely under your control -- with some practice.
Allow yourself permission to find new ways to cope with daily parenting
hassles by taking a class or reading a book on anger management.
By : Ron Huxley
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