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In most Western cultures, there tends to be an uneasy view to anger
expression. Many people are raised with the belief that it is
inappropriate to express anger directly and that it is always dangerous.
Many people feel that anger must not be tolerated. Because of these
beliefs, a lot of people learn to distrust anger, to bottle it up and
ignore it. These people tend to express it only in indirect ways or to
use it as a weapon.
However, anger is also a vitally important part of the self-preservation
and self-defence impulse. People who see anger as all negative are also
generally reluctant to stand up for themselves. Anger can also act as a
motivational tool giving you the will to carry on where you may have
otherwise quit. Look at Martin Luther King who was a prime crusader for
human rights. His anger and indignation at the way he and others were so
wrongfully treated motivated him to keep going.
Anger can also create negative motivational feelings such as the feeling
that a person has an entitlement to something or that he is in some way
morally wronged in such a way that he may feel justified in performing
illegal or immoral acts such as terrorism.
Therefore, it is important that people learn to recognise their anger
and to express it in healthy and socially acceptable ways. This means
not letting anger get out of control to the point where it negatively
acts on health,
relationships and other social interactions.
Recognising when a person has a problem with their expression of anger
is important both for the target of the anger and for the angry person.
The problem occurs when a person becomes dependent on anger as a normal
way of self expression. It becomes normal behaviour for them to express
themselves through anger or threat of violence in order to get what they
want. This is harmful for everyone concerned and destroys relationships,
employability, as well as the possibility of criminal charges.
Uncontrolled anger also has a negative affect on physical and emotional
health.
Nobody is born with uncontrollable
anger problems and most anger is
short lived as a response to some frustrating or abusive situation.
Chronic anger response reactions are learned in early childhood through
the copying of the people around them. If a child sees the adults in his
life acting ina hostile manner to get what they want, the child learns
this as a way of getting what he wants. This is seen as normal behaviour
to the child and only becomes a problem later on in life when anger
becomes his way of controlling those around him.
Sometimes, the victim of the anger can become angry himself such as in
the case of abused children. These children will sometimes become so
determined to never again let themselves be so vulnerable that they may
become aggressive adults for self protection. There may be others who
may have been hurt by one or two people from a particular group of
people but show hostility against all people from that group of people.
Another learned response of aggression is that of the bully. He finds
that his hostility is reinforced and rewarded by the respect and fear of
others, thus motivating him to continue bullying. Often, the bully is
revered and has social status and position so that they are unlikely to
see their aggression as being a problem.
So, what are some ways to prevent anger and aggression in your teenager?
Teach your children to respect and value differences. Teach them not to
bully, gossip or to threaten others health or happiness in any way.
Encourage your child to be involved in the community and their school
through sport, music classes, and other groups.
Always encourage your child to be open about their feelings. Often if a
child is sad, fearful, angry or depressed, the advice from yourself or
another adult they trust can be all that is needed to help the child to
stay out of trouble.
Make sure your child is fully educated about the danger of drugs and
alcohol. These can be the source of trouble as the child becomes
dependent and often angry at himself for not being able to stay away
from the substance.
Teach your child other methods of conflict resolution techniques so that
they don’t feel the need to resort to violence.
Discourage your child from carrying weapons of any type.
Sometimes there are mental illnesses such as Attention Deficit
Hyperactivity Disorder that are a common problem in violent youth. If a
child shows unusual aggressive traits, he should be evaluated early so
that the future problems may be avoided through proper treatment.
Obviously, as a parent, it is important for you to seek help and advice
if you believe your child has a problem. Don’t let embarrassment stop
you from avoiding future distress for both you and your child.
By: Annabelle Rox
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